Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
