I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
