Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
