Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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