Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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