I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
