We won't sleep together?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
