this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
