I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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