You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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