I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
