I faked an abortion last night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
