i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
soo... how was my night?
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