maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
