I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
