As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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