the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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