dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
