I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
