one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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