So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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