Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
