I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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