Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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