??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
