Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
