I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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