There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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