I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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