She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
