I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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