i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
