and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize