mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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