i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
