we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
