it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
