Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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