1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she told me i tasted like america
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
