In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
