I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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