I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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