It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
