you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
