i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
