I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
