dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
