I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
