there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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