I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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