too bad you live with your parents still
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
