it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
