Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
