I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize