wrigley field is MILF paradise
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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