first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
