I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
