Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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