So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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