I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
