he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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