Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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