I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
