Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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