sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
