i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize