UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
