Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
