How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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