im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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