Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
