Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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