I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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