Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
