I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
