I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
